It’s been a wild week of emotions for me but I have been told by the Lord to write it down, declare it and wait on it because in the perfect time, it WILL happen.
I feel a stirring to share the journey to Nebraska thus far with you. A raw collection of words, emotions and expressions straight from the heart.
My Journey to Nebraska actually begun before I left to serve at camp Sonshine 14 months ago. I was at a point in my life where I was eager for more, I felt ready for an unexplainable new-ness. I had been doing Pre-school teaching for 3 years and my passion started to fade. I received a verse from God…
Genesis 12:1-3 – The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you.”
At the time I thought it was a confirmation from God to quit my Job (and in a sense it was) but little did I know the full meaning of this verse was about to invade my heart and soul like never before.
Side Note: After receiving this particular verse I started seeing rainbows everywhere.
In biblical terms Rainbows = Promise.
If you know me, you know that the ocean is my happy place, I adore warm weather and feel alive when I explore through trails that lead to waterfalls, surrounded beautiful by nature and coastline as far as the eye can see. This is what I know as home, this is my comfort.
I landed in Lincoln, Nebraska at 10:30pm on the 26th of may, 2017. It was humid, dark and I smelt skunks for the first time. I felt like a kid on Christmas, I couldn’t wait to see and experience the place where my sweet Saviour had called me to serve him. A state of flat land, cornfields and pretty lakes. I was far from Australia, everything was unfamiliar but something in my spirit just felt at ease, it felt right, I felt like I was truly home. It was one week into my time in Nebraska, a group of us had just attended a wedding. I was standing in the foyer at Lincoln Berean Church when Gideon started a conversation with me (we had met previous to this, God wasted no time with our love) “How are you liking Nebraska so far?” He asked. I replied “I love it but I’m conflicted. I want to live here because it feels like home to me.” The look on Gideon’s face was priceless, a land locked ocean lover couldn’t understand why I wanted to move there when I lived in Australia.
A verse that was spoken to me multiple times by the Lord when I was in Nebraska and still is today is:
Ephesians 3:20 – God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!
Skip forward a few months, Camp was done and Gideon and I travelled the West Coast of America (Best trip ever). Leaving Gideon at LAX broke my heart, to the point where it ached. I knew this wasn’t going to be our last goodbye. I also knew I was going to marry him. Again confusion filled my heart because I was ready to be back with my family and friends in Australia but I wanted to stay with my sweet Gideon.
I sat on a plane for 15 hours. I watched the sun rise over the Sydney Harbour Bridge out of my window. I raced through security straight into my mum’s arms. The sweetest embrace after 3 and a half months apart.
“Mum, I couldn’t live there”
She replied “You don’t need to think about that now beauty”
God now called me to wait, in this season of waiting God did a radical change in my heart. It had been months since I came back to Australia and Genesis 12:1-3 came up again. My Jaw dropped. You know those moments in your life when God has been speaking to you for so long but nothing he is saying makes sense then all of a sudden you get overwhelmed by a life changing epiphany? This was one of those moments. The Genesis verse was my call to Nebraska. Let me break it down for you… Leave your native country (Leave Australia), your relatives (My friends and family), and your father’s family (My Father’s name – Calverley. It’s time for me to become a Badeer), and go to the land that I will show you (Nebraska is all land) I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others. (My calling and what I am meant to do in life is still coming and probably wont be revealed until I am over there). I called Gideon and we weighed up Pro’s and Con’s of each country, Nebraska won. Of course it did, that was God’s plan all along.
Despite this huge, exciting and incredible call I still felt defeated because things weren’t happening straight away. I couldn’t understand why God would tell me something so life changing and make me wait so long to receive it. (face palm)
I ask that you have an open mind with what I am about to tell you.
God spoke to me in ways I have never, ever experienced. I was driving to my casual job one day in my old Subaru. It was summer but it wasn’t super sunny. I had the windows down and the music up. I was turning out of a street when something flew through the window and hit me in the head. It dropped down the crack between my chair and the middle console. I thought it was a bug and started flailing my arms around like an absolute idiot. I drove a few hundred metres and came to a red light. I looked down, I saw a rainbow illuminate through the darkness. It wasn’t reflecting off anything and it shone bright but faint at the same time.
Excuse me? Did God just hit me in the head with a rainbow to remind me of the promises he has for me? The light turned green. I was shaking my head in dis-belief. I questioned God the whole way to work. “Did that just happen?” “Was that real?”. I pulled up to work, looked down the crack again and the rainbow was gone. I guess I was so stubborn and the only way God could get his promises into my head was to throw it at me, literally.
The Genesis verse came up again and so did the rainbows. I have never had God speak to me through pictures before.
I was at the gym, doing a quick workout before bible study. (Earlier that day I was tossing up if I should go or not because I didn’t know if I had enough time)
I was up to an inclined walk on the treadmill, minding my own business whilst listening to my music. I looked in front of me and in my gym there are large mirrors lined up on the wall. I looked specifically at the cracks. They were black. I looked down at my phone and looked up again. In one of the cracks I saw a rainbow illuminate through, it was moving. I looked to see if it was anything to do with the lighting in the room or reflection from the sun, it wasn’t. I looked again, all the cracks were moving with rainbows. I then saw through the cracks and on the other side of the mirror. It was like I was in another realm, another life. Because I was. It was my life. I saw my Promise Land, my woodland of calm on the other side of the mirrors. A land of rainbows, of promise, of new. I saw significance to each major thing I looked at. I raced out of that gym to go home and draw what I saw, what I felt and what I was experiencing. (I almost got hit by 3 cars on the way home, the enemy was ready to attack)
I saw a tree. “Stay rooted in Christ” He said to me. Each branch represented a different part of my life. The tree symbolised that I am still growing.
There were wooden stools that represented rest.
I saw a Deer. Psalm 42:1 – As the deer pants for the streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. 2 Samuel 22:36 – He makes me as surefooted as a deer.
I saw a waterfall, streams of living water.
I saw a purple butterfly. Purple means: Royal, Nobel, extravagance, creativity, wisdom, peace an independence. This butterfly represents that I am ready to spread my wings and fly. (Quite literally all the way to Nebraska to be with my love)
I can’t explain what I felt when I got a glimpse into my promise land. I remember looking back into the mirrors from the promise land and all I saw was this dull grey and black colour. The words that came to my heart were: darkness = old. Fog, uncertainty, past hurts, sin and sadness.
Since then I have been expereincing my Saviour in a new and beautiful way. He is teaching me how to be a God-honouring and fearing woman. He is teaching me about myself, about Gideon, about relationships, about marriage. The list goes on.
I got so excited about this beautiful promise spoken over me and shown to me that I always wonder when it’s going to come to pass.
I’m honest with my writing and this time shouldn’t be any different. Long distance really sucks. Gideon and I are very blessed to have the relationship we do and we are only surviving this because of God. Without him and his continual strength it would be 10 times harder than it already is. I’m not saying I’m not thankful. When I look back on our relationship we have experienced more than most couples and they actually get to do proper life together. I was so convinced we would have heard something about of visa by now. I was sure we were going to be able to spend our 1 year anniversary together. I was positive I wouldn’t be doing preschool teaching anymore. I was set on the fact that I would at least be starting to prepare to move by now. But maybe God is working. Maybe our visa is on it’s way, maybe I’ll get my interivew this month and be on a plane by next month… Who knows? God does and that’s all that really matters at this point.
It just goes to show that our plans and God’s plans are completely different. I trust him and I KNOW his timing is perfect.
For now, I am taking each day at a time. Clinging oh, so tightly to the beautiful promises God has revealed to me in this season of waiting. I’m thanking him for the beautiful growth he is doing in not only mine and Gideon’s hearts but in our loved ones too as I prepare to move countries. I’m thankful for the rest he gives me when I am overwhelmed. I’m thankful for the time Gideon and I have been able to spend together, I’m thankful I get to experience a love like God’s every single day because through absolutely everything, he is good.